Mama Mayhem

Mama’s tricks to self isolation

By Ivy Jensen

I’M WELL and truly over coronavirus.

Settle down, I’m not one of the 700 or so Aussies diagnosed with the dreaded disease.

And I thank my lucky stars for that.

No, I’m physically, emotionally and socially over the crap that has gone with it.

Not including the tragic deaths and illnesses now sweeping the world.

People panic buying everything in bulk, leaving nothing but vegan and gluten-free products (even desperate shoppers have standards).

Events being cancelled left, right and centre, including Echuca-Moama Theatre Company’s production of EMTC’s Little Shop of Horrors.

The realisation that social distancing is now a trending term on social media.

Worrying about being judged every time I cough or sneeze in public.

The anxiety caused by worrying about family and loved ones thousands of kilometres away in another state.

Speaking of another state — the cancellation of my girls weekend on the Sunshine Coast.

Two years in the planning — because that’s how long it takes four women to organise their opposing schedules to suit everyone — and we have to start all over again.

The fact I'll never be able to look at a Corona in the same way. Ever.

And, of course, the uncertainty of almost everything.

Every morning I wake up, hoping this has all been a terrible nightmare.

But no such luck.

So, if things really turn to shit and we end up having to self-isolate at home or school holidays go for longer than expected, I thought I’d offer some advice.

I’ve compiled a list of fun activities you can do with your kids while you’re stuck at home during the coronavirus pandemic.

● Make a fort/mummify the entire family out of all the toilet paper you have hoarded from the general public.

● Bake enough food to feed a crowd of 500 with all the flour, sugar and eggs you’ve hoarded.

● Disinfect your home from top to bottom and still have enough dishwashing liquid left to make a slip and slide down your hallway or bubble extravaganza – again, with everything you have hoarded.

● Have milk fights.

● Play a game called: Who can wash their hands the longest?

● Redecorate the lounge with a tasteful macaroni art feature wall, courtesy of all the pasta you’ve hoarded.

● Play hide and seek – a great spot to hide is in that shiny new freezer you got to house your new-found food riches.

● Play The Price is Rice: a fun family gameshow where you guess the price of all the basic household items you have stripped the shops of (this requires receipts).